im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
