that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
