So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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