My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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