You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
