I'm drive I can fine osifer
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
