I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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