I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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