bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
