I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
