So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
