Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
