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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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