It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
