peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
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Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
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I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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