I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
