honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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