Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
