I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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