i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
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Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
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There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.