drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
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By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants