i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.