she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!