Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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