I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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