oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
