Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
