***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I think I sprained my soul last night
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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