The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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