somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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