When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
