Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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