My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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