she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize