I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Randomize
