yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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