This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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