mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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