sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
vagina is talking i cant
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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