Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
