I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
