Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.