So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
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I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
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Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single ð¤¦ð¼ââï¸
I enjoy the company of your penis