I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
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I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
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So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato