my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one