We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
my liver is dry heaving
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
