He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
