So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
