there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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