I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
