So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
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connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
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You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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