she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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