I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
