my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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