Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
