I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
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A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
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We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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