I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
it hurts more in the daytime
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
