My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
