i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
