i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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