we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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