I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
