lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
