Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
