jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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