Where are you?
In a non slutty way
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
