this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
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I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
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I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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