Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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