I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
