out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
All the doctor said was why
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
