It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
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That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
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DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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