Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
True strength comes from lack of pants
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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